Irritating Commericals

Perhaps I've been watching a bit too much TV lately. I have not added new shows to those I watch, but the ones I am hooked on, I just can't quit. I mainly watch three channels - LifeTime, USA Network and TNT. These channels seem to play nearly the same commercials with infuriating regularity. Normally, I don't mind commercials but there have been several lately that are like fingernails on a blackboard.

1. Viva Viagra. Shows a bunch of silver-haired couples running around god-knows-where. Who the fuck cares? I don't want to even live to be that old. Take me God, I'm ready! And the song they rip-off - Viva Las Vegas (I fucking HATE Las Vegas, but that's another post altogether). That's all I need - 'VIVA VIAGRA!' in my head all day!


2. Kleenex. Touch. Touch. Touch. Touch. Touch. Touch. Touch. Touch. Touch. Touch. Touch. Touch. Enough fucking touching! I can't stand it! What the fuck does touching all that shit have to do with touching a kleenex? And that whisper-like sound of that voice....don't get me started. Yes, they are soft. DUH! Why in hell else would anyone buy them? Jesus. I'd like to hunt down the smarmy-bastard ad exec who created this moronic idea and castrate him (it has to be a man, women aren't that stupid) and castrate him because his stupidity should not be allowed to procreate. And the REAL moral of the commerical? Don't actually BUY the kleenex, just steal as many as you can when you come across a box somewhere else!


3. H&R Block/TurboTax - the whole lot of those type of commercials. H&R Block is the biggest rip-off I've seen in the tax prep world. I should disclose that I am a CPA so I may be a bit biased, but I've not seen an H&R Block return that I didn't amend to fix something they fucked up. "You've got people." I hate those mother-fucking people. Two weeks of training and they are suddenly pros? Pah-fucking-lease! And these latest commercials are with the dead presidents. Hasn't that been done to death? I know I recently ranted about the Blockheads but it wasn't sufficient to express my ire!


4. Burger King - I don't eat at BK, and their commercials couldn't sway me further away. That weird King suit with the built-in pedo-smile? Creepy! And the whole Whopper family - just disgusting. The one where the father is giving advice to his son about dating, and gives him an extra napkin - reminds me of my bulimia days.


5. "He went to Jared!" Materialistic bitch! What you mean is that he is in hock up to his ears to buy you a fucking blood diamond. A smart guy would buy a cheap Wal-Mart ring (don't forget to coat the inside with clear fingernail polish to avoid the green marks) and then put it in a Jared box.

What ones am I missing? I'm sure there are more.